Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head, that I can barely hear what God says. Then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass. My ancestors whisper that this day one day will be the past. So I walk in faith that this too shall pass.-India.Arie
My famous phrase Oh-Em-Gee! I know I know it has been FAR too long! I have not been away from you THIS long since I started blogging. Let me start by saying I AM SORRY! Forgive me?! Ok you have no choice! LOL!! Seriously, life has taken some crazy turns since my last post in May. I feel horrible that I have been away all of this time. But know that after some serious down time from Changing Focus, I am back and focused. I won’t fail to mention the numerous emails and phone calls I received asking “Where are you and when’s the next blog posting?” So to all of you, I’m backkk!! 🙂
In my last post “By the Grace of God” I mentioned my seizures were doing its own thing. They decided to come more frequent than my doctor liked. I was recording between 10-12 Temporal Lobe Seizures a month. It became harder to manage the simple things like work and even cooking. I was also stressing about being so far away from my mom and step-dad while he’s battling Pancreatic Cancer. So my doctor decided time off from work would be best. My health was his top concern and me being ok to ease my mom’s mind was mine. I fought him for over a year with leaving work for a while but I felt at this time in my life I could not fight him any longer. Stress has been the main trigger I have failed to get under control. After speaking with my job and my options, it was finalized. Now because I have been on driving restrictions for over a year I was not allowed to drive from Dallas to New Orleans so I had to have someone come to bring my car there. I was not allowed to drive for more than 30 minutes or at night. It worked itself out.
The plan was to get to New Orleans and well rest. To devote my time and attention to both of my businesses. Changing Focus Photography and Changing Focus: Epilepsy Edition. That was the plan but we all know life happens and nothing goes as you plan. I did spend the first two weeks resting, spending time with family that I rarely get when visiting. I traveled to South Carolina to be apart of my best friend’s wedding, a mini vacation I needed.
See I tend to stress about well not stressing. I know its weird but we all do it at some point. We stress, we worry, we fear. It’s hard when all you know is to keep going. Who will take care of this if I’m not doing it? How will I manage that if I “take a break”? I never sleep beyond 8am because I feel like I’m wasting my life away. While on my break I noticed I was not recording any seizures. I wasn’t reaching for my Seizure Diary (get one from Angels of Epilepsy Foundation, link found at the bottom of this post). Could my neurologist been right all of this time? Was this the final trigger I could have avoided? STRESS?! I wasn’t reaching for my diary because I was not having any seizures. Well except the ones triggered by my hormones due to the women’s monthly issues. The month of June I only had seizures for 1 day, 2 to be exact. During my doctor’s appointment the first week of July I told him I saw a dramatic decrease. He let out a sigh of relief. Positive that treatments have been working. That the meds I am on was not working against me (tried a medication switch that failed). I just needed a break. If you know me I am ALWAYS on the go or up to something. After a long hour of talking he said something I was not expecting. He told me he’s ok with me driving to an extent. Not on days when I have auras and/or seizures and not at night still. Just that little step was a huge thing to me. When your freedom has been taken a way for so long it’s a big relief.
For the first time I did not have a mini breakdown at my appointment. Even though he wanted me to continue the therapy advised, my medications, have another 72 hour ambulatory EEG soon and stay out of work until the date he recommended, I was still relieved. I always preach to my friends, family, gf and followers to take a break, take a moment to just relax because you are no good to anyone else if you don’t take time for yourself. And guess who forgot to take their own advice? ME. So I decided once again to let go and let God. This too shall pass. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring so I have to stop trying to control it and focus on today only. I have a great support system, a great team and I am forever grateful for all of my blessings. These seizures will not defeat me because I already won the battle in my head.
Be on the look out for some changes with Changing Focus. I have a few projects I am working on that I am very excited about. Hopefully I can get them released before heading back to Dallas but we will see. Hope you all are doing well and know I am definitely taking care of myself. I did have a hiccup with seizures this weekend and into today but it’s my life and I won’t be knocked down and stay down. Off to rest now, I promise.
Need a Seizure Diary? Get one here Angels of Epilepsy Visit the Contact Page