Oh em GEE! A lot can change in a year! People always start that “New year, new me” crap in December and still be the same person year in and year out. Holding the same grudges, holding on to the same relationships that are going nowhere, or in the same job that has no potential for growth. No I’m not about to have what my friends call one of my “Oprah moments” where I start my sessions on fixing lives and stuff. But I did in fact fix my own life from the time I turned 27 in 2013 to today..January 9, 2014. Happy 28th Birthday to me!!
My entire life I struggled with so many obstacles from my epilepsy, to self-esteem, my weight, trust, not standing up for myself and my biggest one, not knowing my father. I blamed that last one for being the root of majority of issues in my life. For so many years I searched and searched for him and came up empty. It was his choice to not be apart of my life. I had the support of my mom always. She never spoke ill of him in front of me and she never told me to just forget about it. There were people who asked why you want to know him anyway? It was something I needed for me.
While I am blessed to have the family that I have there is still a piece of me missing. Is there someone on his side that is battling epilepsy just like me? Are they confused and need someone who understands? These are thoughts that went through my mind. So I decided I wanted to give this one last shot.
Last January I decided I would move forward and look one last time. I had an awesome support system of my best friends who never once said do not do it. They just said “Whit we are prepared to be here no matter the outcome.” My mom gave me any detail she could. My close friends did whatever they could and even did some *cough* insane crap. I went as far as talking to a private investigator. He asked me a question that paralyzed me for a moment, “In the event he does not want to meet, are you prepared for that?”
That was the question I did not have an answer for. Yes there are times Whit just does not have the answers. But at the beginning I decided this would be the very last time. So I wrote him a very long letter telling him who I was. All about me. Now the ball was in his court. Oh and I never used the P.i. All information I obtained, I got on my own. That’s how determined I was. I mailed the letter and that was it. Nothing came from it, God’s no is His protection is how I look at it. I think after mailing that, it sparked something else in me…
From then my life went into overdrive.
I started to change focus. Yes that pun was intended. It was time for God to take control. I could no longer let this man who I meant so little to for 27 years, hold me in this emotional prison. I had to “Let go and Let God.” I needed to take control of my own life! No other person here on earth could do it for me. Holding on to bitterness and anger blocks your blessings and God has no room to work.
In a year’s time I started my photography business and named it Changing Focus. I was determined to drop this weight. So far, I’m down 8 dress sizes woot woot. Still have a few more to go! I no longer hide behind the camera. I started getting these seizures back under control, decided to go back into psychology and pursue life coaching. I removed negativity from my life and positive things and people entered. I was cleaning house from the inside out. It didn’t stop there. I started the Epilepsy Edition of Changing Focus. I decided to speak out for me and all 65 million people world-wide living with epilepsy.
Today is my birthday. It’s always raining, like storming on my bday! I’m visiting home, New Orleans, looking out the window and for the first time, as far back as I could remember, the sun is SHINING! I like to think God has taken me into a new season. I like to say this is my “rebirth”. He is continuing to work on me. He pulled me through one of the hardest times I thought I would never escape. I won’t end this by saying I’m ready to write a new chapter because..
BABY THIS IS A BRAND NEW BOOK!!!